So I haven't seen the new Pirates of the Carribean movie yet, and despite the fact that I've heard it's long and annoying, I plan to see it as soon as possible. Why?

I have no f$#@in clue. Mostly I suspect that deep down everyone knows that pirates are cool. Especially movie pirates who never have to suffer much from scurvy and bad teeth. Plus they get to yell cool things like "drop anchor" and "bring her about you dogs." I never get to yell cool things like that. Mostly, when I do yell, I'm yelling things like "Stop punchin' that kid in the junk" and "Get back in the building." Not very exciting really. Oh how I wish to be able to yell the brilliant pirate sayings that we all know so well. But I don't. So I go see pirate movies. And that tends to suffice.